


Of joy and sorrow

by xXxSecretLovexXx



Category: Person of Interest (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-17
Updated: 2015-06-17
Packaged: 2018-04-04 18:57:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4149156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXxSecretLovexXx/pseuds/xXxSecretLovexXx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sameen manages to escape before they brainwash her and she finds her way back to Root. A little smutty, but it's angsty too. Told from Root's point of view.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of joy and sorrow

  
          I hear a faint sound, maybe like a door opening and my heart skips a beat. I leave the book next to me on the couch and sit still, completely motionless, every nerve ending on edge, all my senses working on overdrive so I can distinguish if it was real or just my imagination playing tricks with me. With my heart.  
  
          There are steps behind me, I’m sure now and my instincts tell me to turn around, look who invaded my home, defend myself if I have to. But I can’t.  My whole body is paralyzed by a single thought. If it’s not her I might die.  
  
          It’s a strange feeling, letting the anticipation build, pool in my gut slowly, until I’m ready to burst.  
  
          Whoever they are, they move slowly, quietly, and my hands twitch, wanting to react, to fight the threat and my willpower is barely enough not to do it.  
  
          The steps get closer, circling the couch, getting in my field of vision and I dare not to hope. And yet hope is all there is inside me.  
  
          I haven’t seen her in over a month. Forty-seven days if I have to be exact. And yes, I counted. Because I could never admit that I care so much about her. And yet she’s all that matters.  
  
          When the final seconds tick away and there’s a female form in front of me I try to stay calm, I try not to let my heavy breaths give away the emotion that is so completely overwhelming. My eyes look slowly up, over a familiar body, and I’m still very much distrusting, because if it’s her it would be a mercy and a blessing and I haven’t seen much of either in my life. So my eyes roam higher, trying not to stay fixated on a single spot and her face comes to sight. She looks sad and her hands tremble, but more than that, she looks tired, so very tired.  
  
          Seeing her like this strikes deeply in my chest, so close to my heart that it feels as if I’m being crushed. I’m so close to asking if she’s ok, I’m so close to getting up, embracing her… But the concern gives way to something more powerful. An anger that’s been sleeping inside me for all this time. She was gone. Anything could have happened and she didn’t tell me, she didn’t contact me, she didn’t let me know she is ok. And because of that I’ve never been more ravenous to inflict pain.  
  
          My nails dug deep and merciless in the palms of my hands and that sting was the only thing that kept me from actually giving in to my desire. A sharp sensation that this is real, that she’s here.  
  
          My eyes never left hers, not for a second and I don’t know how much my face was giving away, but I saw her shake more violently, crumbling under the weight of something dark and dangerous that lurked in her thoughts.  
  
          She took a step closer and my nails dug even deeper into soft flesh. All the feelings and emotions that raged inside… It was more than pain. I’ve known pain intimately, it’s inevitable when you do what we do. Pain is sharp, it makes you tune out any other sensation, it blurs your vision, it takes without mercy, but if you give it enough time, it dulls down and eventually fades away. This feeling? This wasn’t going any ware.  
  
          She didn’t seem to be planning on it either. She made another step and the thought of her being close to me again was both terrifying and so utterly necessary that I had to make myself look away before the tiers start to leak out.  
  
          I could feel her shifting, her presence unmistakable and oh so needed. She’s here. She’s real. I have to repeat it to myself, or I’ll cry. And I can’t cry.  
  
          She’s next to me now and she puts her hand on mine, softly. I can barely register it. Than why does it feel like hot metal over my skin?   
  
          I try not to move, not to look at her, not to breathe erratically… I have to. She kneels, right next to me, she’s looking at me and when I don’t react she lowers her head, a little defeated and so very reverently and she places a small kiss on my hand. I pull away then. It’s too much. It’s more than I can take.  
  
          So many questions eat away at me, they fill my mind to a point where there isn’t anything else. But if I ask, I’ll cry.  
  
          But she’s persistent. She sits next to me, patiently, and she gently places one of her hands on my shoulder, silently asking for my attention. I can see the way it affects her, how much it takes out of her and I want to spare her this. But I can’t look at her, I can’t endure her touch, and I shrug, hoping she’d move away. She doesn’t.  
  
          She settles in closer, wrapping her arm around me and I’m ready to stand, walk away if I have to, but she knows me well. Better than I’d like to admit really, and in one motion she straddles my legs, sitting in my lap and pinning me down. That’s when I break.  
  
          Her soft touches are met with small sobs and attempts to push her away, but she holds me tight.  
  
\- I’m ok. I’m here and I’m ok. – She says softly, but I try to push her away even more.  
  
          It’s all useless and I soon settle, allowing her to press her body more comfortably against mine.  
  
          She’s here and she’s real. And when she’s right on top of me I can let that thought sink in. I can let myself believe it.  
  
\- I’m right here with you. – She tells me, taking my face in her hands so I’d look at her again.  
  
          The last time I saw this beautiful face the circumstances were a lot less fortunate. For both of us. But we’re together now. Just me and her. Defiant brown eyes, staring down my own, strong arms holding me, the heat of a body that’s become so much more to me than just pleasure.  
  
          Then why does it feel less? Less than what we deserve, less than what we’ve become to each other… Somehow not enough.  
  
          She brings our faces closer, a mere breath away and I feel a pinch in my heart. A fear, striking so deep within me, that it’s powerful enough to ruin this moment for me.  
  
What if it’s not real? If I’m going mad, or if it’s just a dream, a trick my mind is playing on me? But with her so deliciously close, if it’s a dream… Whoever tries to wake me will become the most unfortunate person on this planet. Because I need this. I need Her.  
  
          When she kisses me the whole world stops, my heart stops, my brain, my lungs. It all goes black and then blank. I’m being reborn and the first thing I get to see is her. My first memory – our kiss. And I thank the universe, because apparently miracles do happen and the most important, the most joyous one is her. Because she’s here and she’s real. And I’m not letting her go this time.  
  
          After my first taste of her I’m now addicted. And I’m desperate for my fix. So I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her as close as I could, before ravaging her lips. Oh, I’ve missed those lips so much, that mouth on mine, those hands, roaming over every inch of flesh they can find… I’ve missed her.  
  
          Lost in a moment we almost forget ourselves, but her hands move under my shirt, ready to explore naked skin and I’m pulled back into reality… And for once it’s better than my fantasies.  
  
          I don’t struggle as she pulls the shirt up and over my head, I let it happen, I let my desire for her overwhelm me, before the burning questions and my worry take hold of me again. Because I’m not the only one that needs this. She does too. I could read it in the way her hands shake in anticipation, the way her body relaxed when I pulled her  
closer, in her little sigh of relief when I stopped fighting her.  
  
          There is a hint of impatience in the way she tugs at my clothes and I give her as much access as I can, letting her take off my bra, discarding it fast and careless, moving on to another garment until I’m stripped bare for her.  
  
          She’s ready to straddle me again, but I stop her. I need to be able to see her, to feel her… When the clothes are gone she is just magnificent. Soft, tender skin, making her look so vulnerable and fragile. But just underneath I see her muscles and it reminds me how strong her body really is, how dangerous she can be. And there are scars, old and new. A constant reminder of how much she’s been through, how much she’s survived. There are spots with faint bruises and I want to ask about each and every one. I want to know who dared to mark her body… But not right now.  
  
          Now I want to be close to her and my hands draw invisible lines over her, over every evidence that against all odds, we are both here now, and we can have this moment to just enjoy each other.  
  
          Our lips meet again and I wrap my hands around her as we fall backwards onto the soft couch. Happiness is rare, you know. But right now, at least for this perfect moment, I have it.  
  
          Eventually a hand finds its way between our bodies, slowly, almost hesitantly. This isn’t rushed, unlike most of our previous encounters. So many times we did this messy and fast, always trying to get what we want before it’s time to leave, before it becomes affectionate, before we get the chance to get attached. Not now.  
  
          As she enters me I arch off the couch, desperate to feel more of her inside me, more of her skin against mine, more of the weight of her body over mine. I want more of everything, because it’s from her. She’s been gone for so long that I’ve been aching and she’s the only cure. There’s no reason in denying this any longer. Not to you and not to me. We both know I’m in love with you.  
  
          Oh, I had almost forgotten how this feels. How breathless I get when she kisses my neck, how wonton I sound, how easy it is for her to get me to moan and whimper, how completely lost I get just by her presence, let alone her touch, how my muscles strain underneath her… How at peace I am when our bodies are pressed together.  
  
          And she, she’s a work of art. Messy hair, falling over our faces and tickling my neck, parted kiss-swollen lips, hands moving ever so faster, hart pounding deep in her chest. All reminders that we are terribly, sinfully alive. As long as I feel this pulse I know we can get through anything.  
  
          I bite her lower lip and she smiles, making her fingers sink deeper, work a little harder within me and it’s all I need before I let go.  
  
          Everything stops for a tragically beautiful moment of pain, frustration and pure blissful happiness when the past forty-seven days merge with the joy I felt when I finally get her back. And I’ve needed that. I didn’t even know how much, but now I know I can never be too long without her touch.  
  
          And yet, how can I settle for just this when I crave her taste, when my fingers burn with the desire to explore her, even if I know every part of her by heart, when my eyes search for her every time she’s not with me. How can this be enough when I barely sleep when I don’t feel her body next to mine, when my thoughts will eventually lead to her.  
  
          My eyes open lazily and I see her looking at me, cheeks flushed, lips slightly parted and I think she’s never looked more beautiful. She leans down to kiss me and I sink into it, letting her do as she pleases with me for a few more moments until I recover.  
  
          Eventually we get up and I follow her into the bedroom and my eyes fall on her naked form and I smile, because this is all I wanted – her, me and a day to ourselves.  
  
          When she climbs on my bed, gorgeous and deadly, I take a moment to just watch, because I want to remember every second of this. And I really don't know when and how she found her way into my heart.  
  
          I've never let people in before. But just like her approach to doors and locks, she let herself in, unannounced and unexpected and I can't help myself and smile, because as infuriating as it is... I still love it. 

**Author's Note:**

> Well... I hope you all liked it. It's my first Person of Interest story and I'm very insecure about it. Any comments and reviews are always welcome. Thank you for reading :)


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